25 September, 2008

You saved me.

It's sad to think that if things had worked out I would be leaving for London in 3 weeks. I'd be staring at Noel Fielding's beautiful face in real life, and maybe even speaking to him. BUT apparently, that is not what the universe had in store for me, and I'm actually content with not going... considering what it gave me instead.

One of the strangest things to me is how well you can connect with some people and not others. How you can meet someone and instantly form a bond, or develop a strong hatred. There have only been a small handful of people who I have instantly connected with in some way, and each time this occurs it sends me into deep thought. I mean, it has to mean something.

This almost goes hand-in-hand with my last post. When you meet these people, and form that bond, it's as if you were SUPPOSED to meet them. And every time this happens to me I try to figure out exactly why that is. What am I here for? What am I learning now? Sometimes, it's a little overwhelming. Normally I don't trust, don't fall in love, don't open up that easily and when I find myself doing just that I have to take a step back. I put up a wall to try and save myself from any possible pain. I fear pouring everything into something that could quite possibly go to shit at any second. This is just paranoia, and I should just relax. Even if things do go to shit, it was still a learning experience. I still gained something from it. So slowly, I just relax and try to go with the flow (for lack of a better phrase). But still, in the back of my mind... I'm trying to figure this person out, and why they have been put into my life.

So this "instabond" happened to me, just about a month ago, and I found myself doing all the things I mention above. But let me tell you what a fantastic feeling it is, despite all the stupid paranoia that comes with it. It still scares me a bit, especially since I started feeling things I never thought I would feel again. I'm definitely happy... and definitely glad the universe gave me this instead.

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