Reset.

Once you start yourself on a certain path, it can be hard to deviate from that direction. You trudge along day after day, repeating the cycle, doing what you need to do because that's what you've always done. That's exactly what I had been doing since February of 2006. I was fresh out of college, took the next adult step and started on what I thought was going to be my career. I had my associates degree in graphic design, and even though I had decided very early on in school that graphic design was NOT for me, I landed myself a sweet little office job designing advertisements for a newspaper. I took this job because after 2 months of receiving rejection letters I had become very desperate to get the hell out of Sam's Club. So with the offer of a full time position, with benefits, a cubicle, a phone and even business cards (!), I officially became an adult.

The Telegraph was an amazing first job. I made a handful of great friends, some of whom I'm still in contact with, and they put up with my complete lack of punctuality and constant internet usage. But once the lay-offs started my love of the job took a dramatic turn. So I did what every normal adult does, I started applying to other full time graphic design jobs.

Just about four years and thousands of resumes later (I'm probably not exaggerating with that figure), I finally, finally was offered a new job. In November of 2011 I started at what I thought would be my new career path, working in a prepress department at a label printing company. I was so sure this would be a long term thing, but instead of being excited about the position after the first week like I was at The Telegraph, I felt so completely overwhelmed and out of place. It took so much longer to grasp what was expected of me and the atmosphere was completely different. And like I said in my previous post, I quickly decided that job was not for me.

So I did what any normal adult would do (?), I sulked. I fell into the biggest depression of my adult life. I gave serious consideration into running my car off the road, jumping off a bridge, running away, becoming a gypsy, living in a log cabin in the woods, and other various self-destructive, self loathing, unrealistic things. Until one day I thought to myself, Why do I need to keep going on the path I'm on? I decided the only way to change the direction of my sad little life, was to actually change my life.

Obviously, I am in need of a serious career change. The only way to really do that is to go back to school. I tried going back 3 times, only being successful ONCE in 2007 and quickly giving up after the first semester. I religiously stalked the Rivier website. I printed out information, looked at every program that remotely interested me, and after maybe a month of doing this, I came up with a plan. I was going to quit my job and go back to school full time. The only real reason (aside from the money aspect) I've been keeping a full time job is to have health insurance, and when I saw that you could get insurance through the school as long as you went full time, this opened up a new world of possibilities to me.

I played around with the idea for a little while. I brought it up to friends and family, and after getting some support, I decided to contact the school. I set up an appointment, chose a major that I hadn't even thought of as a possibility (I wanted to be an education major, now I'm a psychology major), and waited. All the initial things happened in April, and since then I've been carefully constructing my new life.

I was offered a part-time position at a wedding DJ company as an office assistant, secured my spot back at a part-time job I work on and off at, and up until this point none of this has felt real. Now that I have my books, student ID, folders, pens, highlighters, all the normal school things, it's starting to set in. I did it. I really made it happen. I'm starting my new life.

Tomorrow will complete my first week of a part-time work schedule. Monday is my official first day of school. Am I scared? Yes, absolutely. I've read what's expected of me for these upcoming classes and I'd be lying if I told you I wasn't already feeling overwhelmed. But even with the impending stress of school and the gigantic pay cut, I can honestly tell you that in this very moment I am the happiest I have been in a very, very long time.