Positive Thought of the Day #1

Right around the time when I first started this blog I was at the peak of my weight gain (rounding the corner of 140). I remember making a goal that by the time I went to London I wanted to be back down to 118. Well, I never made it to London, but currently that is how much I weigh. For the first time in a very long time I'm starting to accept my body. I've been working pretty hard, especially the past month or so, to get myself in some sort of shape and to try and be more active. When I stepped on the scale Saturday I couldn't have been more proud of myself. Now comes the hard part, NOT gaining anything back. I'm not one of those girls who can eat/(not) do whatever she wants. A couple of bad eating days and I can gain 5 pounds like THAT. My ultimate goal is 110, but for now I'm definitely proud that I've made it this far.

Here Comes the Sun

There are few things in this world I love more than lying out in the sun, staring towards the sky, smelling the scent of freshly cut grass and things cooking on the grill, and feeling the cool breeze surround me. No matter what kind of mood I may have been in prior to that moment, it is quickly replaced by the most amazing feeling of calm... Zen.... happiness. If I could somehow live constantly in those moments I would be a very, very happy lady.

I know I'm of negativity, but starting now, I'm going to attempt to shed some of the pessimism that clings to my mind like a parasite.

A while back, my aunt and mom got into that "The Secret" craziness. They bought me the book to read, but I couldn't really handle it. I don't usually do too well with the whole self help book thing. More often than not, I get a quarter of the way through it and decide that it doesn't apply to me... Or in the case of my anger management book... it just made me more angry (because it was a terrible book with terrible advice, written by awful therapists). "The Secret" was too culty sounding to me, but I guess I can apply the ideas to my new found optimism. For those of you who don't know, the book explains that if you think positively (and truly believe it), positive things will happen to you. And, like the movie What the Bleep: Down the Rabbit Hole (awesome movie, watch it), it kind of holds you responsible for the (negative) things that happen in your life. I've always had a hard time accepting that... and I still do. I mean, how can I seriously bring all that negativity on myself? Am I like a force field? Is "god" or fate (or whatever the hell ultimately created the universe) doing it just to spite me? My theory on being pessimistic has always been if you never think anything good is going to happen to you, you wont be disappointed. But you know what? Even though I already assume the worst, when the worst actually happens, I am still disappointed... So I guess I have a serious flaw in my theory here.

I honestly want to believe that good things will happen to me, but when I'm constantly disappointed it's hard to see the positives. But at the same time, I do have a lot of great things in my life, and good things have actually happened to me... My pessimism actually bothers people, which I don't want to do. So I guess now is as good a time as any to start adding some more optimism into my life. I don't think I'll ever shed ALL my pessimistic views, but it would be nice to be slightly less cynical.