To live, to die.

Day 17 - Discuss your greatest fear and your greatest dream.

When I'm old and gray I don't want to look back on my life and think, "I wish I had done this or that." I don't want to be on my death bed wondering what it would have been like to walk the streets of Paris or what particular shade of blue the water in Venice is. I want to lay there content with my life. I want to take my last breath here on earth knowing I attempted to accomplish every single little thing I've ever wanted to. My greatest dream is to live, and my greatest fear is to die without having done so.

I'm not content with just staying stagnant. I like there to be a good amount of excitement and unpredictability in my life. I'm one of those people who would drive with you to Mexico on a whim just because that's the particular random thing that we might have decided to do. Don't get me wrong though, I do like having some relaxing down time. I'm also the type of person who will sit there watching cartoons and play video games with you all day, but I do like to mix it up. I have a lot of goals I want to accomplish, a lot of things I want to see, and now with my fear of flying gone and out of the way my main goal is to travel. I want to experience new things and cultures. I want to completely immerse myself in a new language. I feel like if I don't get to experience something different, if I don't get to see Europe, Asia, America, or Australia for myself then my life has been wasted.

I've grown up in Southern New Hampshire. I have spent my entire life thus far traveling these same streets, looking at these same places. I know how to get from one place to another. I know New England. If I get lost I'm fairly confident I could find my way back to a highway I know with little problems. Well, I'm tired of that now. I want to feel lost. I want to feel scared. I want to be placed completely out of my element. Why? Because I need that change. I don't want to live my entire life comfortably. You have to experience at least some discomfort in order to know you've really lived.

Aside from traveling, I want to experience other things. Things like writing my own book (even if it's never published), selling my first painting, helping animals in need, and making a cd of music that is entirely my own. I want to jump from a plane. I want to land my first skateboard and snowboard tricks. I want to do it all.

And then... I want to settle down. I want a nice house with a big yard. I want to cry as I'm putting on my first engagement ring. I want to have a big fancy wedding with all my friends and family. I want to feel the excitement of my first pregnancy. I want to raise my children and introduce them to fun and exciting new things. I want to watch them grow. I want to sit through dance recitals, art shows, football games, gymnastics meets, concerts, plays or whatever my children pick to do. I want to laugh through the tears as karma pays me back for my teenage years. Then I want to retire. I want to sip wine on my porch with my husband and dogs... and I want to be happy. And finally, I want to die breathing a breath of accomplishment.

I will do all of these things. These are my dreams and I know with time I can make them all come true.