He loves me, he loves me not.

Day 21 - A picture of your first boyfriend/girlfriend.

You know what, challenge? I'm not gunna do that. Why? Well, because it's kind of weird. Instead I shall describe to you what that person was like. As I've said before, I don't count any non-serious boyfriends as an actual "boyfriend," but for the sake of this challenge I'll just bring up each one of my firsts.

If we're going WAY back, my first "boyfriend" was in preschool. The only thing I remember about him was that his name was Chad. I've found one picture of us since then, and if I had it in my possession I would definitely post it here, but alas... it's somewhere in the many boxes of childhood photos hidden somewhere in my parents home. In this picture, I am dressed as a clown, he as a dinosaur, and we stood looking a bit surprised at the photographer while holding hands.

My next "first boyfriend" was in 6th grade, and it was one of those typical early middle school relationships that lasted very briefly and consisted of virtually no contact at all. I believe it was one of those situations where his friend asked me if I wanted to go out with him, and despite my head saying, "Say no..." I still said yes, and thus began an awkward, maybe four month relationship. I felt too bad saying no to people. I thought it would be mean to reject the person. So despite whether or not I actually WANTED to be with that particular person, I usually ended up saying yes. Now there was nothing wrong with him. He was very nice and all that, I was just not particularly interested in him as anything more than a friend. I think we only spoke a few times, once was a conversation of me telling him not to tell anyone that we were going out (something even meaner than actually saying NO in the first place... I realize this now... Don't judge me, I was like 12 or something). I remember we gave each other Valentines Day presents, and I believe we ended up breaking up in either a note I wrote to him, or my friend telling him I didn't want to go out with him anymore.

The next "first boyfriend that was more like a boyfriend" happened shortly after my break up with the other boy. We had been friends throughout the 6th grade, and we had a mutual crush on each other. Neither one of us had really addressed it (I don't think) until after he heard about my break up with the other boy. That conversation went a little like this:

Him - "So you broke up with (otherboysname)?"
Me - "Uhm, yes..."
Him - "Yessss!" *runs away to the bus*

That made me extremely excited, and my little 12 year old mind almost exploded by the very cuteness of the situation. I then had actual proof he liked me too. So, a little while later this happened. Then maybe a few weeks later he asked me out, which happened almost like the above conversation...

Every year my middle school walked from the school to a park in the name of cancer research. It's called the "Terry Fox Walk."According to google maps, it's a little less than a 2 mile walk. That year was the first time I participated.  Once we had all made it to the park we began to run around in a frenzy finding our friends to sign our yearbooks (it was June). I was with my friend Sara at the time when my crush came running over...

Him - "Sam?"
Me - "Yes?"
Him - "Will you go out with me?"
Sara - "HAHAHAHAHA!"
Me - "SHUT UP SARA! ... Yes."
Him - "Okay!" *runs away*

And thus began my "first relationship that kind of counted." We would speak on a regular basis, we hung out all summer and had a great time! He even told me he loved me once over the phone... a conversation my father heard and was not too pleased about. But when 7th grade started things began to go downhill. He started hanging out with the "popular" kids, and since I was not in that particular crowd they convinced him to dump me... Via email... to which I responded with, "I NEVER LIKED YOU ANYWAY!"

And now, to the first boyfriend that I consider my actual first boyfriend (there were a few others between the two, but not serious enough to mention). I met him at the mall during the beginning of my Sophomore year. He saw me walking with a group of mutual friends and, according to him, I "looked like Christina Aguilera" so he had to meet me. We started out playfully making fun of each other and I quickly developed a crush (I told you I was a sucker for people who can make me laugh). The next day I discovered he emailed me and asked if I wanted to go to an arcade with our mutual friend. I was 15 at the time, he was 17... which meant... he like totally had a car! OH EM GEE! I neglected to tell this to my parents in fear they wouldn't let me go, so when he and my friend arrived to pick me up I ran out the door as fast I could, hoping my parents wouldn't notice me driving away.... in a red, 2 seater Geo Metro. A few days after our first little "date" he ended up asking me to be his girlfriend and I fell for him... hard. He would write me letters, give me flowers, he claims he even wrote me a song and he once put a note to me into our local newspaper. I was in love.

I began to rebel against my parents at this point, which only pushed me closer to him. I also ended up losing my virginity to him which might have played a part in me growing so attached. We had a great system going... he would call me every day, sometimes he would surprise me at school, and every weekend he would pick me up to go to the mall and drive around. I thought our relationship was perfect... until I got caught skipping school. Needless to say, my parents were not pleased and I was grounded for a month. I feel like this is when things started to go downhill for him and I. We started getting more distant. The phone calls would slow down, and the absolute turning point was my 16th birthday. He showed up at my school with his friend, gave me a stuffed animal... and drove away. I ended up spending a good chunk of that birthday bawling my eyes out to one of my best friends at the time on my front stoop. A few weeks later I went to his school (he went to the school in the town next to mine) for a battle of the bands with my friend knowing I'd see him there. He had been ignoring me for the most part, but I thought that maybe when I saw him he'd have a reasonable explanation. Eventually I tracked him down, and after a few different times of him avoiding me I finally got him to talk to me. Honestly, I can't remember what he said. I know I have this story written down somewhere, but I know whatever he said to me was devastating. We didn't officially break up, but I remember spending the rest of THAT night in tears with my best male friend.

After that I tried calling him, even my other best friend, Jackie, tried calling him, but he ignored me. Eventually we convinced her mom to drive us to where he worked. I saw his car and waited for him. He saw me and it almost looked like he panicked for a minute. I went up to him and said something along the lines of "I just want to say it in person... We're over." And he said something along the lines of, "Okay." And that was it. I spent the next ridiculous amount of months in a horrible, post break up, teenage angst filled depression... Which was made worse after I had found out that he had been cheating on me for a good chunk time (with some nasty slut, not exaggerating). Every so often he popped back into my life with promises of us getting back together, but at some point I saw through it and him... Though much later than I should have.

We've actually kept in contact over the years, and I've looked to him for musical guidance on quite a few occasions. Once I lost that whole, "he's my ex boyfriend" stigma about him (I lost this in my junior year of high school) we were able to have a nice little "friendship"... though it's more of an acquaintanceship now. I'm usually pretty good at that whole "forgive but don't forget" thing.

So there you have it blog people... a long winded answer to who my first boyfriend was. Until next time...