You Fake Bitch.

Please Note Before reading this post: I am one of the biggest feminists I know, so please don't think that I am in any way belittling my sex.

I was torn with what subject this blog was going to focus on. At first, I was all gung-ho (sp?) with the idea of writing about a drug busting turtle ... "Is there any chance that the turtle was stoned?" (God I love fox news), but then something sparked a new idea. I really have no clue where this came from...

I once saw a bit on a Chris Rock comedy special about how women are liars, physically. It made me laugh pretty hard because I knew it was true. He talked about all the little things you could change in order to make yourself better. For some reason this morning, that bit popped into my head again. Good god, Chris Rock, how right you are.


Women can change the following with out any surgery at all:

Boobs: Just slap on a padded bra or get some fancy silicone breast implants then BAM, even the flattest of girls will appear to have a little bit of cleavage!

Height: Don't wanna be short? Put on some damn heels bitch!

Hair color and length: You can be any color of the rainbow, just dye it. And if you want longer hair.... just get some extensions. You can even kill 2 birds with one stone and get COLORED hair extensions.

Eyelashes: Even if you have small, thin eyelashes all you have to do is get some fake ones.

Weight/Shape: They sell corsets for that shit, man. Not even the "sexy lingerie" ones. They have underwear that can sinch your waist, belly and thighs. AND they have bathing suits that can do the same thing.

Skin: Concealer and foundation are your best friend if your skin is too red or has too much acne. AND! If you're not tan enough just go grab some tan-in-a-can or go to a tanning bed.

Dude, what the hell is this shit? You can become a completely different person just by going to Wal-Mart. It's unfortunate that girls are under so much pressure to look good that even YOUR EYELASHES aren't good enough. Not that I'm against any of these things really... I'm guilty of being a "liar." I wear padded bras. Hell! I even have the stupid boob insert things. Though I don't wear them too often because I feel insanely fake and misleading when I do. My hair color is different every other day. Fake eyelashes? Yeah I have those... Corsets? I have about 10. I'm guilty of using tan-in-a-can (or tube). Concealer and foundation are my best friends, and people are shocked when I wear flats because they are so used to my heels.

It's a shame that we are so pressured to look good that we hide under a mask of fake. I wish I was comfortable enough with myself to be able to look at my naked, make-upless self and think "God damn, I'm hot!" but you know, that's never gunna happen. I'll continue to buy all the stupid little gimmicky products that claim I'll look like all the hot celebrates. Unfortunately, the older I get, the more I'll start to hide behind all the fake, materialistic bullshit... and so will everyone else.

All this got me thinking about how fucked guys are. It's not socially acceptable for them to change their appearance the way women change theirs. If a guy wore heels, they'd be gay. Fake eyelashes? Gay. Makeup? Gay. If they stuffed their crotches or if someone made a crazy silicone dick insert and some guy wore it, they'd be teased to no end. It's like guys, as big of liars as they are, are forced by society to be honest... at least physically. Even the most hideous of women can be made up to look insanely hot *cough*morganweb*cough*, but if you're an ugly, acne-prone, short guy...sorry, society says you can't make yourself look better. Very strange.

Society is confusing. Gender rolls are confusing. And the media is the devil.