Broken

I've gone from one extreme to the other in just a week, spending most of my time in the middle of nowhere, absent of cell phone service and civilization in general, only to leave that for one of the biggest, most popular cities in the world. Something inside just wont allow me to embrace New York City as a good place to be, I am far to loyal to my wonderful, comfortable Boston. None the less, it is a fantastic city. Central Park was one of the most beautiful places (in a city) I have ever been, and I really would like to go back soon so I can fully explore the depths of the city. Maybe next time I will actually have money to spend.

In that time, my vacation, I was supposed to relax. My mind was supposed to clear and just forget all the troubles and worries I might have to face in the impending days that lie ahead, and for a minute there, I could actually shut off. I was carefree. I was content. I was comfortable and free and was able to forget, but then like a flash of light, there it was, poising my brain with anxiety and stress. Panic overtook me, then became me, as my vacation drew to the end.

Now I sit here, back in my cubicle, amongst the gray walls and soft whir of the printers, and I feel worse than I did before. I am broken down, I am a shell of who I was and wanted to be. I am completely drained of all passion I had before I left. I am empty... Completely broken open, used and exposed to the world. The only question I have is what have I done to deserve this complete drain of my mental health?

All I want from this life is happiness, why is it so hard to obtain?