Slacker

So that whole updating regularly thing? Not so sure that's going to happen. I have such a hard time thinking about what I should write about on here. I'm not so sure what I want to share with the general public, and that's the primary reason for my hesitation. I have yet to find any privacy settings on this site, and every time I think about writing in my livejournal I suddenly feel 16... and angsty. I think that's what livejournal is supposed to do to you... and I'm not sure I like it.

Anywayyyy... here's a little update:

Summer has begun, and that makes me a happy panda. I'm so excited to do everything summer related, but haven't really had the time to enjoy it yet. I've been playing shows non stop since the end of May so my entire schedule has revolved around that. This past weekend was the first time in a while where I had nothing to do and nowhere to be... and oh yes, I was very lazy. I have a good excuse for my laziness though... it was rainy... And who wants to do summery things in the rain? Not this girl. I also think I might be getting sick because I slept 90% of the weekend away and was still tired. Excuses aside, I can't wait to get into full summer mode. Carnivals, amusement parks (even though I don't participate in the rides I still like the atmosphere), lakes, hiking, the beach, summer shows (local and national), swimming, canoeing, biking, the lake house, bon fires... oh yeah... and VEGAS.

Summer and the end of spring are my second favorite times of the year... a close second to the beginning and middle of fall (which I'm also very much looking forward to). For some reason, those whole chunks of the year always cause me to reflect upon my life. I become very contemplative and sometimes over analytical of everything, not that I'm not like that ALL year long, but during this time it's amplified. Maybe it's the leftover Pavlov effect on my brain, every year right around this time I was set free from the binds of school life and was able to enjoy almost 3 months of freedom. The first sight of green and nice, warm weather instantly sends my brain into slacker mode, into flight mode, constantly scheming up ways to find some sort of freedom from the robotic, monotonous working world. But no. I'm stuck. Held back by that horrible, HORRIBLE thing called responsibility. Sometimes I wish my parents were rich. My Daddy (or Mommy) takes care of me and buys my house... and my car... and all my pretty things... and like a little Paris Hilton, I could just sit back, relax, party, and travel. But instead, I was taught responsibility.

At this point, I've pretty much come to terms that I'm stuck in the working world for (at least) 40 more years. Though part of me is hoping that it wont be this hard, boring, monotonous, and at times STUPID, forever. I want to find something that doesn't feel like work, but don't we all. I'd like to think that it's not completely impossible. Ideally, I'd really like this music thing to work out... but if it doesn't I'd like to be doing something else that I at least enjoy. Designing is okay, but I do not understand how people do this for a lifelong career. I've only been in the business for almost 5 years and I'm almost completely burnt out. Maybe it's the job. Maybe if I had something else I'd have this amazing flow of creativity return to me. But as for right now, I'm running on empty... running on creative fumes... and it's actually pretty upsetting.

So what in the HELL am I going to do? This is my current dilemma. And I'm hoping to find a solution to this very, very soon.