Wow.

I've spent a lot of time reading over my past journal entries. Not the ones in this journal, but the OLD ones... like high school and college ones. I can't believe how much has changed. As I was reading I was tempted to leave myself a comment or two, like maybe somehow it would travel through time and reach my past self. The journals made me realize how many mistakes I have made, and how much I have learned from them, for the most part. Even in just the past few years I have grown and molded myself into such a completely different person, and hopefully with the help of my past self, I will never make those mistakes again. I found myself becoming aggravated at the past Sam, wanting to yell through time and somehow make her hear me. I made SO MANY stupid, stupid mistakes. I wasted so much time on things that I could never, ever change, and made promises that I never fulfilled. I found myself feeling bad for past me, feeling angry with her. Why didn't she listen to anyone? Why didn't she listen to her own instincts? Why didn't she ever just relax? But damn, in a sense, I'm glad I went through all that. I needed to because now, at the ripe old age of 23, I feel like maybe I have actually learned my lesson. "Seeing" me going through all of the mental struggles has made me never, ever want to put myself in those kind of positions ever again. And if somehow my comments made it through time to the past Sam, my entire world would be different... and as much as I complain now I really don't know if I want my life to be so dramatically altered from what it is right now. Yes, there are some things I wish I had not done, and some that I wish I had, but who knows what kind of person I would be today if those wishes had come true.

I think what I'm realizing now, and have been for the past few entries, is that I really am in control of my own life. I can make all the dreams I have come true, and I am the only person who can allow myself to experience real happiness. It's obvious from my past entries that I become blinded by all the bad in my life which makes it almost impossible to see the good all around me. Only until later down the road do I stop and realize all the good that was there the whole time unbeknownst to me. I am still young, I still have so much to experience, and I shouldn't be wasting any second of any of my days left on this earth wallowing in my own self pity. The world is full of good and bad, things always get better, and you never, ever know what is right around the corner. Life is exciting, full of surprises, and I really am excited to see what is in store for me.