Hunger
Lyrics by: Seth Davis
Music by: Acrida
Tell me what to do I am hopeless.
Take away our thoughts give us what we want, I know less.
Where do the dreams start? Where do our lives end?
Hunger, for what is the new trend.
Please open your eyes please wake up.
Please take a breath, please try and get up.
Please open your eyes, please open your eyes.
Please open your eyes please wake up.
Please take a breath, please try and get up.
Please open your eyes, please open your eyes.
Can you hear me? If you can tell me.
Don't know the cause of our lesions.
I'll give you more to be diminished.
Where do the dreams start? Where do our lives end?
Hunger, for this is our end.
Please open your eyes please wake up.
Please take a breath, please try and get up.
Please open your eyes, please open your eyes.
Please open your eyes please wake up.
Please take a breath, please try and get up.
Please open your eyes, please open your eyes.
Can you hear me? If you can tell me.
Please open your eyes let me inside,
inside the void that is your mind.
Please open your eyes let me inside,
inside the void that is your mind.
Please open your eyes let me inside,
inside the void that is your mind.
Please open your eyes please wake up.
Please take a breath, please try and get up.
Please open your eyes, please open your eyes.
Please open your eyes please wake up.
Please take a breath, please try and get up.
Please open your eyes, please open your eyes.
Can you hear me? If you can tell me.
© Acrida 2008
20 February, 2009
Broken Gates
Broken Gates
Lyrics by: Samantha Angelo
Music by: Acrida
Take away all your fears and thoughtless feelings.
It is time to change, and make this life worth living in again.
This life you have created has landed you here.
The lies you have invented disappeared.
Beyond these iron bars and concrete walls, lies another fate.
Look past this useless life and faceless lies, and start to create.
You will make this right and fill this void.
Hold nothing back.
You will make it through and break right through,
the broken gates of your mind.
Your fears wont win this time.
In the battle of yourself you will succeed.
Break away, it's time to face your future.
Seeing crystal clear what you have created.
You will change today and make this life worth living in again.
This life you have created has landed you here.
The lies you have invented disappeared.
Beyond these iron bars and concrete walls, lies another fate.
Look past this useless life and faceless lies, and start to create.
You will make this right and fill this void.
Hold nothing back.
You will make it through and break right through,
the broken gates of your mind.
Your fears wont win this time.
In the battle of yourself you will succeed.
Change today, become the one you wanted to be.
© Acrida 2008
Lyrics by: Samantha Angelo
Music by: Acrida
Take away all your fears and thoughtless feelings.
It is time to change, and make this life worth living in again.
This life you have created has landed you here.
The lies you have invented disappeared.
Beyond these iron bars and concrete walls, lies another fate.
Look past this useless life and faceless lies, and start to create.
You will make this right and fill this void.
Hold nothing back.
You will make it through and break right through,
the broken gates of your mind.
Your fears wont win this time.
In the battle of yourself you will succeed.
Break away, it's time to face your future.
Seeing crystal clear what you have created.
You will change today and make this life worth living in again.
This life you have created has landed you here.
The lies you have invented disappeared.
Beyond these iron bars and concrete walls, lies another fate.
Look past this useless life and faceless lies, and start to create.
You will make this right and fill this void.
Hold nothing back.
You will make it through and break right through,
the broken gates of your mind.
Your fears wont win this time.
In the battle of yourself you will succeed.
Change today, become the one you wanted to be.
© Acrida 2008
Ghost
Ghost
Lyrics by: Samantha Angelo
Music by: Acrida
Lost in the dark, sitting all alone.
She is broken, yet no one knows.
Like a ghost she can disappear.
Hoping that someone can see her here.
Waiting for the day they will see her face.
And facing everyday, feeling so ashamed.
She closes her eyes as she starts to cry.
She may be dead inside, but she is still alive.
Holding out her hand on a busy street.
Still produces nothing but an empty feat.
And as they walk away, no one will see her pain.
Waiting for the day they will see her face.
And facing everyday, feeling so ashamed.
She closes her eyes as she starts to cry.
She may be dead inside, but she is still alive.
Fake an empty smile to a hallow face.
They don't care about you any way.
And as they turn away, no one will see her pain.
Waiting for the day they will see her face.
And facing everyday, feeling so ashamed.
She closes her eyes as she starts to cry.
She may be dead inside, but she is still alive.
Don't worry someday, someday this all will fade.
And soon enough this ghostly state will all just fade away.
The pain you feel inside will become clear in their minds.
You wont be dead inside, you will be alive.
Waiting for the day they will see her face.
And facing everyday, feeling so ashamed.
She closes her eyes as she starts to cry.
She may be dead inside, but she is still alive.
She is still alive.
She is still alive.
© Acrida 2008
Lyrics by: Samantha Angelo
Music by: Acrida
Lost in the dark, sitting all alone.
She is broken, yet no one knows.
Like a ghost she can disappear.
Hoping that someone can see her here.
Waiting for the day they will see her face.
And facing everyday, feeling so ashamed.
She closes her eyes as she starts to cry.
She may be dead inside, but she is still alive.
Holding out her hand on a busy street.
Still produces nothing but an empty feat.
And as they walk away, no one will see her pain.
Waiting for the day they will see her face.
And facing everyday, feeling so ashamed.
She closes her eyes as she starts to cry.
She may be dead inside, but she is still alive.
Fake an empty smile to a hallow face.
They don't care about you any way.
And as they turn away, no one will see her pain.
Waiting for the day they will see her face.
And facing everyday, feeling so ashamed.
She closes her eyes as she starts to cry.
She may be dead inside, but she is still alive.
Don't worry someday, someday this all will fade.
And soon enough this ghostly state will all just fade away.
The pain you feel inside will become clear in their minds.
You wont be dead inside, you will be alive.
Waiting for the day they will see her face.
And facing everyday, feeling so ashamed.
She closes her eyes as she starts to cry.
She may be dead inside, but she is still alive.
She is still alive.
She is still alive.
© Acrida 2008
Concealed
Concealed
Lyrics by: Samantha Angelo
Music by: Acrida
Breaking through just to find,
what's concealed by all the lies.
Force myself inside the mind,
just to know what's right.
They say it, I hear it.
They fake it, I feel it.
It's a mystery what they feel inside.
Constantly wondering,
can I kill the lie?
Breaking through just to find,
what's concealed by all the lies.
Force myself inside the mind,
just to know what's right.
They judge me, I know it.
I try not to show it.
I want to understand what they feel inside.
Inside it's killing me.
I need to know what's right.
Do I have a right or am I paranoid?
Someday I will know the truth and not the lie.
Breaking through just to find,
what's concealed by all the lies.
Force myself inside the mind,
just to know what's right.
I am so sick (I am so sick).
My mind cannot take it (My mind cannot take it).
Breaking through just to find,
what's concealed by all the lies.
Force myself inside the mind,
just to know what's right.
© Acrida 2008
Lyrics by: Samantha Angelo
Music by: Acrida
Breaking through just to find,
what's concealed by all the lies.
Force myself inside the mind,
just to know what's right.
They say it, I hear it.
They fake it, I feel it.
It's a mystery what they feel inside.
Constantly wondering,
can I kill the lie?
Breaking through just to find,
what's concealed by all the lies.
Force myself inside the mind,
just to know what's right.
They judge me, I know it.
I try not to show it.
I want to understand what they feel inside.
Inside it's killing me.
I need to know what's right.
Do I have a right or am I paranoid?
Someday I will know the truth and not the lie.
Breaking through just to find,
what's concealed by all the lies.
Force myself inside the mind,
just to know what's right.
I am so sick (I am so sick).
My mind cannot take it (My mind cannot take it).
Breaking through just to find,
what's concealed by all the lies.
Force myself inside the mind,
just to know what's right.
© Acrida 2008
12 January, 2009
Jaiden Tlapa
About a year ago, The Cabinet started covering a story of a little girl who was critically injured by falling off her deck and into a snowblower. Don't directly quote me on this, but I am fairly certain that's what happened. My co-worker and I both started following this story. At that point, we had a hand in putting the paper together, so we were able to read the newest story every week. Unfortunately, she lost the fight and died from her injuries. She was 8 years old.
Friday I was reminded of this horrible accident when, in my pile of ads, I discovered I had the memorial ad for her. Immediately I thought, Oh god... I HATE doing memorial ads because I am a ball of emotion all the time. The first one I had to do back in 2006 made me cry for at least 15 minutes after I typed it all out. It's strange, but this little girls ad felt almost personal to me. Even though I had never met her, or her family, I still felt some sort of connection. I wanted to make this ad beautiful, I wanted the family to look at it and think what a nice job that designer did... I wanted to somehow convey to that family that I was pulling for her too, and that I have them and her in my heart. It was a very simple message, stating that the family is still thinking of her and will love and miss her always. I couldn't make it look exactly how I wanted since it was a small ad, but I tried. The only thing they wanted in it was a dragonfly in flight. I found a cute cartoonish one, but I felt like I needed to do something more personal, so in the flight lines I created, 2 of them are conviently create the shape of a heart. It didn't turn out as I wanted it to, and I don't even know if they'll be able to tell, but I really hope they do.
I couldn't imagine how this family feels. The unimaginable loss, the hurt, the guilt. How do you ever heal from something like that? She was so young, so full of life, and it was all cut short by one accident. I don't know her, I don't know her family, but every time I hear her name or am reminded of this story I can't help but fight back tears. I wish that somehow there was something I could have done, though obviously there was nothing. I will probably never talk to this family, but if by some small chance they come across my blog I want them to know that my heart goes out to them. And that even though she might not be here in body, in spirit and memory Jaiden lives on forever.
Friday I was reminded of this horrible accident when, in my pile of ads, I discovered I had the memorial ad for her. Immediately I thought, Oh god... I HATE doing memorial ads because I am a ball of emotion all the time. The first one I had to do back in 2006 made me cry for at least 15 minutes after I typed it all out. It's strange, but this little girls ad felt almost personal to me. Even though I had never met her, or her family, I still felt some sort of connection. I wanted to make this ad beautiful, I wanted the family to look at it and think what a nice job that designer did... I wanted to somehow convey to that family that I was pulling for her too, and that I have them and her in my heart. It was a very simple message, stating that the family is still thinking of her and will love and miss her always. I couldn't make it look exactly how I wanted since it was a small ad, but I tried. The only thing they wanted in it was a dragonfly in flight. I found a cute cartoonish one, but I felt like I needed to do something more personal, so in the flight lines I created, 2 of them are conviently create the shape of a heart. It didn't turn out as I wanted it to, and I don't even know if they'll be able to tell, but I really hope they do.
I couldn't imagine how this family feels. The unimaginable loss, the hurt, the guilt. How do you ever heal from something like that? She was so young, so full of life, and it was all cut short by one accident. I don't know her, I don't know her family, but every time I hear her name or am reminded of this story I can't help but fight back tears. I wish that somehow there was something I could have done, though obviously there was nothing. I will probably never talk to this family, but if by some small chance they come across my blog I want them to know that my heart goes out to them. And that even though she might not be here in body, in spirit and memory Jaiden lives on forever.
31 December, 2008
Reflection.
I sit here, staring at the screen of my computer, gorging myself with M&M's from a cow, and all I can think is... wow... I've made no progress this year.
Well, ok, that statement isn't 100% true. I have made some progress, a lot of it mental. 2008 was truly a year of reflection, learning, trial and error... a lot of error... a lot of errors I'm still continuing to make, and growth as an adult. I opened myself up to things I've never really experienced before. I've had a lot of time to think about who I really am and what I really want, but I can't help but feel I let myself down somehow.
The notable things I've achieved were the joining of my band, and my "new" (4 month old) relationship. Both of which took, and are still taking, a lot of courage and effort, and are making me insanely proud and happy.
Taking that first step to audition for Acrida was one of the best decisions I have ever made. Preforming, recording, it's like the first step in a dream come true. Sometimes I just sit back and think about how, only a year ago, I was staring at the stage thinking... I have to do this. I have to be up there... How the hell am I going to make this happen? And now here I am... I've played a handful of shows, I recorded a cd... I've heard my voice mature... and become proud of what I can do. I still can't believe I somehow mustered up the courage to even go to that audition... but I'm so glad I did.
And who was the one who finally made me see how proud of myself I was? Corey. He could not have picked a better time to enter into my life. In the four months that I've known him, he's made me feel so much more confident. He took my drowned, dead self esteem and revived it with a life I can't even begin to describe. Through him, I am finding myself again... Being with him makes me feel alive, when before I thought every emotion inside of me was dead. Everyday I wake up EXACTLY where I want to be. And everyday I think of how lucky I am to have met someone like him. Words can't even adiquately describe how I feel, anything I could say or write or do never seems enough. But he makes me happy, he makes me feel like I am worth something, and all the challenges, good times and bad, have really brought me back to life.
I look back on my old livejournal entry, dated a year ago today, and I see the things I wished I hadn't done, and wanted to fix this year. Money being one of those things. I'm starting to get better, but it got a whole lot worse before I started correcting myself. The other goal, was to travel. Again, 2009 is looking VERY good in that prospect. Corey and I already have 2 trips planned, one to California and another to Las Vegas(?). Though, I can't help but feel disappointed in myself for not having the drive to make the travel plans happen last year. And I can't help but feel like I'm constantly waiting. Waiting for more money, waiting for more time, waiting for that perfect opportunity to cross my path. Why don't I ever just jump into things? No, again that's not true, the only things I've succeeded in this year I have jumped into, so why am I still so afraid? So LAZY? I'm so convinced that I am in control of my own happiness, so why do I stand in my own way all the time?
A lot of it has to do with the opinions of others. I feel like I'm under constant scrutiny of EVERYONE ALL THE TIME. Everyone judges me, everyone wants to make MY decisions for me. I get so lost in other people that I forget about what I really want 99% of the time. So this year, my resolution will be to stop caring about that. To not get lost in other people and only focus on what is going to make ME happy in the long run. I've lived so long only doing what other people wanted me to do, and feeling guilty for doing things MY way. I understand most people just want what's best for me, but please, enough is enough. This is MY life. I will make mistakes, that's the only way I'll learn. And if I really think that making a certain choice is going to make me happy then WHY would you want to stand in my way? How could you prevent me from having that happiness... even if it's only a temporary thing?
It almost feels like making any sort of goal is pointless because most of the time I never really follow through, but I'm going to continue to make them any way. In 2009 I am going to stop being so lazy, so afraid of everything, and I'm really going to start living the way I want to. I'm going to mess up, I'm going to get lost, but eventually I'll find my way back. This year will be the year I finally start living for me.
Happy New Year, let's all try and make 2009 the year we've all been waiting for.
Well, ok, that statement isn't 100% true. I have made some progress, a lot of it mental. 2008 was truly a year of reflection, learning, trial and error... a lot of error... a lot of errors I'm still continuing to make, and growth as an adult. I opened myself up to things I've never really experienced before. I've had a lot of time to think about who I really am and what I really want, but I can't help but feel I let myself down somehow.
The notable things I've achieved were the joining of my band, and my "new" (4 month old) relationship. Both of which took, and are still taking, a lot of courage and effort, and are making me insanely proud and happy.
Taking that first step to audition for Acrida was one of the best decisions I have ever made. Preforming, recording, it's like the first step in a dream come true. Sometimes I just sit back and think about how, only a year ago, I was staring at the stage thinking... I have to do this. I have to be up there... How the hell am I going to make this happen? And now here I am... I've played a handful of shows, I recorded a cd... I've heard my voice mature... and become proud of what I can do. I still can't believe I somehow mustered up the courage to even go to that audition... but I'm so glad I did.
And who was the one who finally made me see how proud of myself I was? Corey. He could not have picked a better time to enter into my life. In the four months that I've known him, he's made me feel so much more confident. He took my drowned, dead self esteem and revived it with a life I can't even begin to describe. Through him, I am finding myself again... Being with him makes me feel alive, when before I thought every emotion inside of me was dead. Everyday I wake up EXACTLY where I want to be. And everyday I think of how lucky I am to have met someone like him. Words can't even adiquately describe how I feel, anything I could say or write or do never seems enough. But he makes me happy, he makes me feel like I am worth something, and all the challenges, good times and bad, have really brought me back to life.
I look back on my old livejournal entry, dated a year ago today, and I see the things I wished I hadn't done, and wanted to fix this year. Money being one of those things. I'm starting to get better, but it got a whole lot worse before I started correcting myself. The other goal, was to travel. Again, 2009 is looking VERY good in that prospect. Corey and I already have 2 trips planned, one to California and another to Las Vegas(?). Though, I can't help but feel disappointed in myself for not having the drive to make the travel plans happen last year. And I can't help but feel like I'm constantly waiting. Waiting for more money, waiting for more time, waiting for that perfect opportunity to cross my path. Why don't I ever just jump into things? No, again that's not true, the only things I've succeeded in this year I have jumped into, so why am I still so afraid? So LAZY? I'm so convinced that I am in control of my own happiness, so why do I stand in my own way all the time?
A lot of it has to do with the opinions of others. I feel like I'm under constant scrutiny of EVERYONE ALL THE TIME. Everyone judges me, everyone wants to make MY decisions for me. I get so lost in other people that I forget about what I really want 99% of the time. So this year, my resolution will be to stop caring about that. To not get lost in other people and only focus on what is going to make ME happy in the long run. I've lived so long only doing what other people wanted me to do, and feeling guilty for doing things MY way. I understand most people just want what's best for me, but please, enough is enough. This is MY life. I will make mistakes, that's the only way I'll learn. And if I really think that making a certain choice is going to make me happy then WHY would you want to stand in my way? How could you prevent me from having that happiness... even if it's only a temporary thing?
It almost feels like making any sort of goal is pointless because most of the time I never really follow through, but I'm going to continue to make them any way. In 2009 I am going to stop being so lazy, so afraid of everything, and I'm really going to start living the way I want to. I'm going to mess up, I'm going to get lost, but eventually I'll find my way back. This year will be the year I finally start living for me.
Happy New Year, let's all try and make 2009 the year we've all been waiting for.
05 November, 2008
Yes we fucking Can.
This man is my president. I'm trying EXTREMELY hard not to rub it in people's faces, and trying even harder not to punch anyone who says this is now the downfall of the country. Check your facts just one more time for me. Do some ACTUAL research and then please, battle me. But I warn you, not much is going to sway me from my firm opinions and optimism about his upcoming presidency.This is a positive change, and in time, I'm sure all the doubters will see the benefits of him leading our country. Foreign relations will be strengthened. We will soon no longer be sinking our tax money into a pointless war. There will be tax breaks for the hardworking middle class. The environment will be on it's way to being saved. New research for freeing us of our dependency on oil will be started and encouraged. Health care will be receiving more help from the government. Where is the downside? Had McCain become president very few, if any, of those positive changes would be put into effect. Not only that, but he (and Satan aka Sarah Palin) would be TAKING AWAY MY FREEDOM to choose what I do with my own body. And I'll be dammed before I let any bald white guy, or retarded hockey mom, tell me what I can and cannot do with my uterus.
Some of you don't see it now, but give it time. Little by little this economy will recover, our foreign relations will strengthen, our national debt will start to heal, new jobs will be made, the environment will be saved, this country will become a much more positive and happy place. Whether you see it now or not, in time you will look back on your reaction and see how misinformed you were. Barack Obama is the change we need, and you WILL be pleasantly surprised.
"There will be setbacks and false starts. There are many who won't agree with every decision or policy I make as President, and we know that government can't solve every problem. But I will always be honest with you about the challenges we face. I will listen to you, especially when we disagree. And above all, I will ask you join in the work of remaking this nation the only way it's been done in America for two-hundred and twenty-one years - block by block, brick by brick, calloused hand by calloused hand. .... As Lincoln said to a nation far more divided than ours, "We are not enemies, but friends...though passion may have strained it must not break our bonds of affection." And to those Americans whose support I have yet to earn - I may not have won your vote, but I hear your voices, I need your help, and I will be your President too." - PRESIDENT elect Barack Obama
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