Disappear

So here is my positive thought of the day #2:

I really like how I look in the pants I'm wearing today. I tried them on thinking I wouldn't be able to squeeze my ass into them, but lo and behold! I'm in... and feelin' sexy. Kind of a nice, new feeling for me.


Moving on...

I've gone into a semi hibernation. For the first time in a while I'm actually enjoying alone time instead of fearing it. Corey goes in to work when I get out of it, Jon is usually off doing his own thing, so that leaves me the whole night to hang out with... me (and Valo). Usually, I'd rush around and try to make plans with people, fearing that I'd actually have to be alone with myself, but now I find it kind of nice.  I (attempt) write, sometimes I even pick up my guitar and play a little, I read, go shopping, go for bike rides (or do some sort of exercise) but most importantly I relax. Sometimes I just sit with the dog and watch TV for hours... It's... nice. I don't feel the need to run to other people to help me occupy my time. I'm completely comfortable with doing things alone.

Though, I know one of the reasons I've come to this is because I've stopped trusting almost everyone. At this point I have no idea who is real and who's a liar. I have no idea if the things being said to me are even real, so I find it easier to distance myself than to try to sort out the facts from fiction. And you know, since I've been in this hibernation mode, I've had very little drama in my life.

I often worry if my absence aggravates people, but the way I look at it, my very true friends don't really need me around all the time. I assume if it becomes a problem something will be said, but I think most understand that I get this way sometimes. Just, right now I'm having a hard time coming out of hibernation... and I can't fully decide whether or not that's a bad thing.