Butcho dunno whatcho got til it's gone.

My freshman year of high school was 9 years ago. NINE years ago, which means it's been 5 years since I graduated. All the memories seem so fresh in my mind, all the inside jokes still funny, yet at the same time it feels so far away.

I'm 23 now, just teetering on the edge into my mid twenties. I have a "normal" job, a college degree, a nice home, a boyfriend, a dog (and Gabe!)... my life is pretty sweet! But it's also ridden with that horrible word: RESPONSIBILITY. When did this happen? I have to pay bills? I have to actually KEEP this job? What?! ...I find myself sometimes longing to be back in high school just to be able to live one more day with no responsibilities, no pressure from the "real world," to actually have more time to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. I'm supposed to be grown up now, and let me tell you, I have NO IDEA what I want to do as far as a career.

I remember being 16, fully engulfed in my teenage goth angst, being told to cherish high school, that you will appreciate it when it's gone. HA! I laughed their faces. ME?! I would NEVER miss CampHELL and its horribleness! Well, I was wrong. I got to wake up every morning and go see my friends. I was out by 2ish and free to do whatever my heart desired. Yeah, I had a part time job, but there was no pressure for me to keep it and I quit when I hated it. Yeah, I had to get up at 6, but I got to learn... for FREE. That will never happen again. College costs money, and even non-credit courses make you pay to learn. I didn't have to worry about staying in touch with my friends because I knew I'd just see them the next day. And the best part of all, I HAD NO BILLS TO PAY. Yeah there was drama, but I would withstand it all again just to have those few REAL moments of freedom.

I'm a completely different person now from who I was when I walked the halls of Campbell. People who knew me then have a completely wrong view of me. If I could do it all again I would care less. I would speak my mind instead of staying quiet, which I started doing anyways in the later years. I would actually enjoy myself instead of pushing my life into adulthood like I so wanted. If I could only know then what I know now I would have never wanted to rush.

This saying is probably the most true statement of all time: You never know what you've got 'til it's gone. Cherish every little moment, no matter how insignificant it seems. Even though I'm struggling now, doesn't mean later on in my life I wont look back and say the same thing I'm saying now about high school. I think I'm actually going to make a real effort to appreciate things I have so I don't live my entire life with regrets.